Friday, April 12, 2013

Time of One's Own

There is a repetitious rhythm to my life that I find rather disheartening. I wake, I work, I work, I study, I work, and I (attempt) to sleep.

There are days in which I cannot discern between minutes, hours, months or years. On such days, it seems that they all collide and become an indistinguishable entity.

It is an absolute feat the day I manage to finish a thought without the sudden reminder of a deadline or an appointment. And I often think back to Woolf’s quote: “For interruptions there will always be” (77).  This statement has resonated with me since finishing the novel, and it holds so much truth to my life.

I am constantly answering to people, working for people, and waiting for people, which leaves me little to no time to myself. I feel, since taking on all the responsibilities in my life, a type of creative depletion. Ideas and thoughts progressively rise to the surface in my mind only to float lifelessly after a disturbance or interruption.  

Woolf emphasizes in her novel of to “A Room of One’s Own,” the importance of personal space and money. I am fortunate to have both a private room and financial stability, yet I lack the freedom to cultivate ideas and thoughts because of my constraints with time. And even in a room of my own, I constantly feel invaded by unwelcome thoughts of things I need to finish. Having money and a room of one’s own is meaningless without time to enable the thoughts in one’s mind to flourish.

But, as we all know, time is money. Money many of us can’t afford to spend. For most of us, having the leisure to just sit around and meditate on experiences or ideas is completely unrealistic. There are deadlines to be met, assignments to be submitted, people to meet, things to do, and more plans to be made.

How, then can we find balance? I often wonder how certain people raise children, work two jobs, and find time to write poetry. I often feel guilty for being so tired because I know so many people who work twice as hard, but who are twice as talented. While I’m sitting here struggling not to fall asleep to finish this post, someone out there, who just worked a 10 hour day is writing a masterpiece, while I cannot finish a blog post grumbling about time. 

I would like to believe that these people are the exception, and that the majority struggle as much as I do. But whatever the case, one cannot deny the importance of having some time of one’s own. 
Having time NOT allotted to others, but time to oneself. Having time to reflect, meditate, breathe and create. Managing a way to clear the chaos from one’s schedule to allot some “me time” is an important way to not only revive creative mojo but to find appreciation in all the hard work one is putting forward into the universe.  

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